I’m scared I’ll never feel it again. Not as strong. Not to be as comfortable as it was. I’ve never been good at this shit. Your the first person I ever really let in. My bed is lonely. My body missed being held. I feel like I’m missing something and I’m scared I won’t be able to find it. It’s not often I admit that I truly am scared but I am. And it sucks
So tonight I felt great. Got 500 perfect cars at work on a 10 hour shift. Killed work. Even my managers noticed. Then got home relaxed. Started watching the ultimate fighter finale and wow I want to start mma. For a while I’ve been interested in bjj but now I feel like I need to act. I’ve been so torn the last week. It’s horrible. I’ve noticed that the more stressed I am the less horny I am. Literally not horny. It’s shit. So back to the drawing board. Back to my fitness. I’ve slacked off. Been distracted. And I’m scared. I don’t know why but I am.